Everett V. Hume

texts / voicemails / emails / subpoenas / restraining orders / objections

( Everett V. Hume )

[Private to June]
Let’s talk. In person, if you’re free some night? See, this is why I don’t want you to tell your sister. Look what her in-laws are like to someone who was almost related to them. Do you see my siblings acting like that ever? No. I mean if that’s okay with you?
[/private]

So, what’s going on Heritage? It’s certainly been pretty lively around these parts lately. I’ve been in Portland for the past few days, catching up on a delayed case thanks to the snow storm. Had a few tasty client lunches/dinners while out there too, definitely one of my favorite parts of certain kinds of cases. I must confess, I’m not that big of a fan of hotel rooms, no matter how high your star rating may be at any given point.

[private to Allie]
My office is open to you if you ever wind up needing any legal assistance in regard to child support.
[/private]

Fellow Humes (Except Scott), and Hume Cousins:

Since we, most thankfully, will not have to endure Christmas squeezing into Scotty's little barn, I invite you to my humble abode for dinner on Christmas Eve around 4:00pm. Dinner served at 6:00pm. I'll make a main dish and a casserole of some kind you just throw shit in a casserole dish for that kind of thing and throw it in the oven, right?, it's up to you to bring everything else except for booze. Feel free to bring your significant others. Owen, do ask your parents to join us, please. Scotty will be absent from this meal, by the way, since he felt the need to abandon you all for Christmas. He's so sweet, isn't he? I think she’s leaving town for a wedding, but I guess I should text June and see what she’s doing for Xmas. I think instead I’ll just assume it’s the wedding bit, and if she says something to me, I’ll have an excuse. Perfect.

Y'know, you don't have to bid on me in a stupid auction if you want need to talk to me...or whatever

What a night! That is all.

So a case I've been working on finally has its date set. Looks like I'll be out of town roughly August 14th to the 20th. Should be back on the night of the 20th barring any extensions.
Betty, this still gives us plenty of time to get your lessons in fun started.
Kelsey, I can started you after I get back, but my paralegal is staying on until the week she leaves for school, so that's about the best I can do. I'll let you know if anything changes.

( Private to Scott )

Ahhh the early taste of tourist season. So many new women, so little time... It's always nice to see fresh faces after Heritage starts to thaw. All the same I do think I'll take a trip out of town this weekend,but only for a few new suits. It's hard to find good suits in this town and equally hard to find a good tailor. Travel is required for the extra quality I'm afraid.

Betty, just a reminder...iPads in my office are not for playing with. They are for work.

[Private to all Hume Siblings]
Dinner at my house on Sunday. Just the five of us. In or out?

I wish I was Jewish, so I could spend December telling Christians that Jesus was a Jew, walking around singing Hanukkah songs, riding around with one of those obnoxious orthodox gigantic menorah's strapped to the roof of my car and playing with my dreidel. And I would do it all through December, just to piss off the other Christians to see if they corrected me and told me that Hanukkah was over already!

Oh and can someone tell me why spell check is so stupid that it doesn't think 'dreidel' is a word? It tells me I'm wrong if I don't capitalize 'jew', but it doesn't know how to spell dreidel?? What Jew-hating bastard programmed this shit?

This rant brought to you by my anger at having to have Christmas music incessantly blared at me for the duration of this month, starting back around Black Friday. The end!

And no, 'Band Aid' they don't know it's Christmas, probably because they don't celebrate Christmas.Edit: Also, they're starving. They don't care.